Real Housewives of New York Season 9 Episode 8 Recap ‘Return of the Berzerkshires’

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Real Housewives of New York 

Your 5 second breakdown: Luanne is getting married, for real guys, Sonja is jealous of the younger blond and Dorinda is the messenger of bad news.  

The show officially starts with a Bethanny plug, she is selling her apartment and moving again with the help from Frederick of Million Dollar listings- The following commercial break was an advertisement of her new show.  We get a great view of her space and let’s not kid ourselves it’s amazing!  The closet is ridiculous a place where Louboutin’s and Birkin bags serve as art. They plan on listing the place for 5.25 million smackeroos. 

Ramona goes to Carole’s house

 Ramona can’t help but come into Carole’s apartment and knit pick, in pure Ramona style.   I can’t believe I am agreeing with Ramona here.   But let’s be honest, why do you have 4 reading glasses on the same coffee table Carole?  It makes no sense.  Move them to their respective places.  

Of course the ladies sit down and converse about the exact same subject as last year, Luann and Tom, Tom and Luanne.  Luanne.  Tom.  I am so over this whole cheating fiasco and I wish they were too.  Of course he is cheating, of course Luann knows, why can’t they drop it? Carole mentions Tom is more excited about the wedding than Luanne, it makes me wonder what he is getting out of this matrimony?  Does Luanne have more money than we thought?

Luanne and Tom peruse Central Park

Luanne and Tom are taking a walk in Central Park, and she can’t help but mention how much she LOVES him, she loves him so much, so so much, they are soooo much alike, one of the reasons her love is so grand?  It’s because she can watch the TV while he is sleeping.  Clearly she doesn’t realize she can do that when she is alone too.  Girl, it’s even better, you can have the sound way up.

We cut back to Carole, who believes Luanne is having second thoughts.  I don’t know where they are getting this idea from, because Luanne is in a bliss bubble, with rainbows, Tom, Unicorns and glitter.  She tells Ramona (of all people why are you telling this information to Ramona?) about the conversation she had at last weeks charity party.  Luanne’s “friend” mentioned Luanne was just going through with the wedding to save face.  Carole claims she is pure in the sharing of this information.  Girl please, you are as “pure” as snow that has been peed on by a dog.  Ramona, happy to commiserate with someone, reveals she has been texting with a mystery woman she names  “Ann”.  “Ann” claims  Tom tried to stick his tongue down her throat last week, he attacked and groped her.   Ramona and Carole are trying to decide how they should approach the subject with Luanne.  Newsflash, keep your lips closed ladies, she doesn’t want to know!  Instead of minding their business, they decide, instead to throw Dorinda into the lions den.  

We head to the scene of last years crime:

Back to the Berkshires! where Dorinda, not learning her lesson from last year, is throwing another holiday party. This year, she is going to bring the girls in 3 groups instead of letting them all show up at the same time.  How about you don’t invite these ungrateful animals into your home again?  Realizing that the group theory, didn’t mean all the women aren’t around at the same time, it seems pointless to go this route.  But alas, her plan is for Tinsley, Ramona and Sonja to start the trip, Bethanny and Carole join the next day and Luanne joins the following.  

Tinsley will be arriving like to the ‘Berks’ because she is hanging out with her awesome mother, which happens to annoy Sonja to know end.  In the meantime Ramona and Sonja fail at assisting Dorinda with tree decorations. 

We meet the Southern Bell:

We get to meet Tinsley’s mom and I love her, she is the queen of boogie with a Southern Bell twist,  who travels with an odd accessory, her husbands ashes.  She is taking the ashes to Palm Beach, after the ashes had a short vacation in Virginia.  Can someone explain how a dead man is able to travel more than me?  Tinsley comes from long money, which makes me wonder why she is wasting her time with Sonja and not living on her own. Tinsleys mom wants her to have a baby, with a 50 year old man, so she can move in and be the nanny.  Do I smell an amazing spin off??  

We cut to Carole and Adam’s parents:

Carole is hanging out with Adam’s parents for the holidays, they are shopping for Christmas presents together.  It is hilarious that his mother is the exact age, if not younger than Carole.  But I still think it’s cute.  Carole’s eggs have dried out and shriveled, but Adam wants kids, so where is this relationship going besides no where?  Carole, naming all of your animals baby won’t make up for an actual child.  Also, I am bored with this story line too, this is just as bad as the Bethanny and Carole relationship of last year, but more pathetic.  It’s clear Carole wants out of the relationship, and I wish she would just rip the bandaid.  

 

Carole and Bethanny arrive:

They both arrive in the most ridiculous outfits, with so much faux fur, it looked like they skinned Sesame Street characters to design their jackets.  Bethanny is hoping Ramona ignores her and doesn’t say anything about their recent drama.  Good luck with that Bethanny, your in the Berkshires now, anything can happen and you are trapped.  

Bethanny and Carole go into a room to chat about, you guessed it, TOM AND LUANNE.  They think that Tom is having an affair with the woman that he was caught with (via Bethanny’s phone) last season.  Bethanny can’t help but compare her relationship with Jason Hoppy to Luanne’s relationship with Tom.  Which I don’t understand, Bethanny practically harassed, yelled at and insulted her husband so much he turned into an A one A hole, not the same scenario at all.  

The ladies plan the Marriage intervention:

Ramona is a better detective than anyone employed by the NYPD.  She investigated the lady who Tom mouth raped and got as much dirt as she possibly could.  She is super excited to tell Dorinda about Tom’s infidelities.  Dorinda, in pure housewife style, is  pissed to even be talking about this subject on her Birthday.   Dorinda is the only one who wants to stay away from the drama, and she asks the question we have all been thinking, when does Tom have time to do all of this cheating?!  And then Luanne arrives.  Let the drama begin? Oh wait, not let’s make cookies instead.  

So they make cookies and drill Luanne about her wedding, which Launne mistakes for them being happy for her.  Oh Luanne, that bubble you live in is so thick, wonderful and warm like Palm Springs!  

Tinsley and Sonja confront each other

Tinsley finally starts to confront Sonja about her bitching, FiNALLY, I don’t like the color green on Sonja, it just doesn’t work with her fun-housewife attitude.  Instead of being her usual cool self, she creates these unreasonable rules to keep Tinsley feeling like crap.  

The completely ridiculous rules and go as follows:

1. Tinsley can’t speak to the help

2. She can’t have guests ring the doorbell

3. She can’t have hats delivered

4. She can’t have men over

5. She can’t put cups in the sink

6. She can’t go out to get her hair done in the morning

7. She can’t go to lunch with her mother

8. She can’t kill an already dead palm leaf

9. She can’t go out without inviting Sonja

Sonja is going nuts, and I love watching it.  The best scene is when Sonja screams, “Tinsley you get your own GD hats!  Seriously!”

Dorinda confronts Luanne:

The moment we have all been waiting for finally arrives and falls pretty flat.  Dorinda tells Luanne that the women are “insinuating” that Tom is still sleeping, groping, making out and throwing his tongue down women’s throats” I love how Dorinda says the women are insinuating, not that the women came with straight facts, texts and probably photos.  Dorinda straight up asks does Luanne trust Tom.  The answer is yes, so much so, she doesn’t even check his phone for evidence. How many times do I have to say it, Luanne doesn’t care, she is walking down that isle, if she has to kick, drag and knock down any woman to get to it, that woman is becoming a bride!  

Luanne believes these B*tches are talking about her relationship because they are miserable, which is partly true, but the facts are still there.  The wedding is two weeks away and nothing, NOTHING is going to stop it.  

What to wear for a weekend in the Berkshires:

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